Authentic Style

Dressing the Part Versus Expressing Yourself

Why expressing your authentic self falls short

There has been so much written and talked about concerning finding your authentic self and expressing it.  On the lighter side, it would seem that everyone has an imprisoned, heretofore ignored self that is wasting away, contributing to a whole host of psychological maladies. Finding this self will give you a whole new lease on life. And everyone must learn to express this self or suffer the consequences which usually sound dire and are discussed in terms of regret for a life unlived.  Furthermore,  if you can't discover your hidden authentic self and express it now, there must be something wrong with you.

May I just give my two cents here? I DO think that a vast majority live unexamined lives, never really determining their own course in a rational, thoughtful way. They rely on conformity: to family, group, society. They do what they think that others want them to do, and this is usually unconscious. Or they settle on a style expression before they have the maturity and experience to really know themselves. Living in this way can bring a person to a really painful point in life where they suddenly say, “Hey, what about ME?”  Feeling trapped like this would be a powerful motivator to find a solution and make a change.


Now here's a really radical idea: What if you are already expressing yourself authentically, just not in a way that will bring you the results that you desire? People express themselves using the tools they have currently. They may like themselves, they may not. But whether they realize it or not, they are expressing themselves authentically. The piece of the puzzle they may not have is the complete understanding of how their choices lead other people to interpret THEM. You may think you are dressing in a certain way to achieve a certain purpose, when in reality the result may be the opposite. For example, the woman who wants to appear young and sexy dressing in clothes that belong on a teenager. This woman feels she has presented herself in a way that is desirable and youthful. Others will see desperation and perhaps even a lack of moral integrity. If the woman in question truly understood that this was how she was being perceived, she would look to modify.


Figuring out your style expression is not 100% about the answers you get from a questionnaire. And it’s not 100% trapping yourself in the mold of what you feel you “ought” to do. It is the happy balance between knowing how others will perceive you if you present yourself a certain way and your own level of comfort. You will never be happy if you loathe dressing corporate, seriously loathe it, and yet you must. How odd it will seem to others if they run into you on weekends and you are totally dressed grunge. Whether it is fair or not, your image has just been shattered. The people you have run into will see you as having two entirely different characters…and which one do they trust?

 How do you want others to perceive you?

A great many things are possible: but not ALL things are possible for any one person; and even fewer things are possible for one person AT THE SAME TIME; nor are all things beneficial, no matter how much you might want them. This is reality. Wake up, people!

Let’s say for example that you discover that your life has been one of repression and conformity. You admire those outspoken wild women who defiantly get a Mohawk dyed in several different colors. You feel that your inner self is crying out for the right to do the same. No one can stop you, by God! You’ll do it if you want to! It is a STATEMENT of your individuality and of your coming into your own.  But you work in finance. What would happen if you went ahead with your new image?

There is nothing wrong with accepting that a part of yourself truly admires women with powerful individualistic streaks. You appreciate Mohawks whenever you see one. It gives you a thrill whenever you see one. And at the very same time you can say to yourself that you do not need one just because you admire one or identify with those who have one. You are happier with the way you are than with the possibility of what you could be. Because you COULD be just about anything. And you choose what you have chosen. It’s that simple.

So, figure out HOW you want to be perceived, and make sure that it is consonant with your personality and current lifestyle.  Then, aim to project consistency in your image. 




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